Having a Hard Time

I have to admit, the last 2 days have been hard for me. I'm to the point that I want to throw my hands up and say I CAN'T DO THIS!

I start thinking about how far I have to go to get down to my goal weight I set. A weight in which is still considered to be overweight.

Most days I don't feel like exercising. I swore yesterday when I did my 2 mile WATP, that I would do it each day this weekend too. Here it is, 10pm on Saturday and I haven't done it. Why? I just haven't felt like it.

I should be proud of myself, and I am. Losing 15 pounds in 6 weeks is still pretty darn good. And I can't get too down that I didn't lose anything this past week - because my weeks have been alternating between a big loss, and a small or non-existant loss (lost 5, lost 1, lost 4, lost 0, lost 5, lost 0). There is a slight pattern to that, it's very strange. So maybe that is just my body's way of losing weight and trying to keep itself healthy. That averages to be a loss of 2.5 lbs a week. I believe it is said that a "healthy loss" is 2-3 lbs per week. Well - I'm right smack in the middle of that.

So I should be happy, right?? I know. I am. I'm proud of what I've done, but at the same time I'm losing some precious mojo and I don't know why.

Perhaps this is just something I'm going through this week. A "down" phase .... I've been going back and forth between feeling like I'm coming down with something and feeling fine. I had a gland in my neck (under my chin/jaw) that was swollen. I noticed it Tuesday. It was tender and a bit sore, and I felt a lump. I got a knot in my stomach and thought "OMG .... please don't let it be cancer!". It has steadily gotten a bit smaller and smaller and while I can still feel it slightly, it's no where near as swollen nor as tender as it was. So that whole thing makes me think I've been fighting something off -- and it is very likely because all this week I have been tired. VERY tired. By 9pm I'm thinking "Yeah, I could go to bed right now", but I get wrapped up in other things and end up staying up a bit later. My mouth/throat also feel "thick" for lack of better words. Like my tongue is too big for my mouth and when I swallow it feels like there is a thick wall of goopy stuff stuck against it. I guess I just haven't felt right all week and maybe that's why I'm in the funk.

Plus this weather doesn't help one bit. It's nip-crackin' FREEZING outside. At the moment, temps are hovering around 0, with a windchill of 12 below. And I think we're looking at possibly being 12 below BEFORE the windchill overnight. Nice. Get out your thermal underwear. So, needless to say, I'm very ready for winter to come to an end, so I can welcome spring with open arms (and itchy, watery eyes, and sneezing, and ...)

I'm going to bed now. My body is asking for rest and that's what I'll give it. I figure it has to know what it's talking about - so if rest is what it's requesting, than I obviously need it. Hopefully I'll get that mojo back soon before I clear the pantry and find all 15 of those pounds.