Confessions

This weekend was bad. And I mean bad.

I mentioned the burger at Rainforest, and the pizza for dinner Saturday night. But Sunday rolled around and my best intentions went out the window. For lunch we ate at McDonald's. And even though it was a Filet-O-Fish, you cannot justify eating that when you are trying to lose weight.

And to top it off, I indulged in almost an entire box of Girl Scout Tagalongs. OMG .... those cookies are just heavenly, and it's been ages since I've had one. So I just kept eating, and eating and eating until I had a stomachache like no other.

I told you it was a bad weekend.

Yuck

I knew this weekend wasn't going to good in terms of eating. Hubby got the entire weekend off, and today we took the kids out for lunch at Rainforest Cafe and then to Build-a-Bear afterwards. I had a juicy cheeseburger and fries for lunch. Granted - only ate 1/2 the burger and most of the fries - but then I was stuffed.

But dinner tonight. 2 problems with that. 1) It was after 8:30 by the time we ate. And 2) It was pizza.

Yeah yeah yeah. I'm kicking myself now because I do not feel good. My stomach is doing flip flops and I feel the need to go to the bathroom - but at this point, I cannot. Not that I don' t want to, but my body apparently is not ready to let go yet. Hopefully soon as my stomach is gurgling and churning more and more and I'm getting that feeling of pressure .......

Better go .....

Weigh-in .... Week 7

I lost 1 pound.

Current Weight: 219

Even though it's not big, I'm glad to see a loss. Last weekend was pretty bad in terms of food consumption - not necessarily the quantity, but instead, the kind I was eating. Burger King and Pizza Hut in one weekend probably don't make for such a good week in regards to weight loss.

So, with that said, I'm pretty happy that I still managed to drop a pound. I'm also expecting my period, and just know I'm retaining water/bloated, which is going to effect that scale somewhat.

I'm happy about what?!?

Okay, I'm warning you -- if you read this post, you're going to think - wow. She's nuts. LOL

As I've posted about several times in the past, since this whole weight loss thing began, I've had some poop problems. Problems so bad that I was going over a week without pooping. That's not a good thing. Not good at all.

So, I've been dealing with it - increasing my water intake, adding more fiber to my diet, decreasing my fiber intake, exercising, etc. Nothing was working. I was desperate and bought a woman's laxative.

Took a pill late one Thursday night, and the next morning I woke up feeling awful. At the time I thought it was a bug - then I got to thinking, and I think it was in fact, the laxative. I went that day, a few times. And continued the next day. The day we were going to see Jeff Foxworthy. I had to resort to taking Immodium because I feared I'd spend the evening in the theater's bathroom. So, that got my system all whacked out again.

I'm not sure what brought it on, but I went normal yesterday morning. I thought - WOW! The first normal poop without having to do anything special to get it out. And then last night, I went again! So while I'm there, I'm thinking "Well, that felt pretty darn good!" and for a split second I was disappointed that I was finished. I wanted to keep going! LOL

But, understand this before you go thinking I'm a nutjob -- I have not gone normal, nor have I even gone on a daily or every other day basis (I'm talking I was LUCKY to go once a week) in nearly 6 weeks. So this was a big deal to me!

Here we go again

I can already feel it. My lower stomach feels like a rock. I'm expecting the monthly punctuation monster again this weekend. I'm thinking it may show up a bit earlier, as I'm already cramping a bit and am incredibly bloated.

I hate this time of month, I really do. Not only does it screw with the scale, but it makes me miserable.

Tomorrow morning will be week 7's weigh-in. Considering how bloated I feel now, I'm not expecting that scale to be very nice to me.

Goals

I figured it was about time to set a new "mini" goal.

Maybe it's a bit extreme, as it would require me to lose more than the total I've already lost in just 7 more weeks.

My goal is to get down to below 200 pounds by my birthday (April 11). Since my birthday falls on a Tuesday, I'll bump the goal date back to April 7 instead.

With that said, when I do my weigh-in on April 7, the scale must read 199 or less. I have 7 weeks to drop 21 more pounds. That is 6 more pounds than I've lost in 6 weeks time, but I think it's a very realistic goal.

I also have something else to look forward to and motivate me. We have plans in the works with my friend and her husband to do a Spirit Cruise downtown on Lake Michigan. We don't have a particular date, but plan to do it sometime this summer. It is semi-formal, so a cocktail dress will be a must, and I want to look good.

So - there it is. Now I hope I can do it!

Having a Hard Time

I have to admit, the last 2 days have been hard for me. I'm to the point that I want to throw my hands up and say I CAN'T DO THIS!

I start thinking about how far I have to go to get down to my goal weight I set. A weight in which is still considered to be overweight.

Most days I don't feel like exercising. I swore yesterday when I did my 2 mile WATP, that I would do it each day this weekend too. Here it is, 10pm on Saturday and I haven't done it. Why? I just haven't felt like it.

I should be proud of myself, and I am. Losing 15 pounds in 6 weeks is still pretty darn good. And I can't get too down that I didn't lose anything this past week - because my weeks have been alternating between a big loss, and a small or non-existant loss (lost 5, lost 1, lost 4, lost 0, lost 5, lost 0). There is a slight pattern to that, it's very strange. So maybe that is just my body's way of losing weight and trying to keep itself healthy. That averages to be a loss of 2.5 lbs a week. I believe it is said that a "healthy loss" is 2-3 lbs per week. Well - I'm right smack in the middle of that.

So I should be happy, right?? I know. I am. I'm proud of what I've done, but at the same time I'm losing some precious mojo and I don't know why.

Perhaps this is just something I'm going through this week. A "down" phase .... I've been going back and forth between feeling like I'm coming down with something and feeling fine. I had a gland in my neck (under my chin/jaw) that was swollen. I noticed it Tuesday. It was tender and a bit sore, and I felt a lump. I got a knot in my stomach and thought "OMG .... please don't let it be cancer!". It has steadily gotten a bit smaller and smaller and while I can still feel it slightly, it's no where near as swollen nor as tender as it was. So that whole thing makes me think I've been fighting something off -- and it is very likely because all this week I have been tired. VERY tired. By 9pm I'm thinking "Yeah, I could go to bed right now", but I get wrapped up in other things and end up staying up a bit later. My mouth/throat also feel "thick" for lack of better words. Like my tongue is too big for my mouth and when I swallow it feels like there is a thick wall of goopy stuff stuck against it. I guess I just haven't felt right all week and maybe that's why I'm in the funk.

Plus this weather doesn't help one bit. It's nip-crackin' FREEZING outside. At the moment, temps are hovering around 0, with a windchill of 12 below. And I think we're looking at possibly being 12 below BEFORE the windchill overnight. Nice. Get out your thermal underwear. So, needless to say, I'm very ready for winter to come to an end, so I can welcome spring with open arms (and itchy, watery eyes, and sneezing, and ...)

I'm going to bed now. My body is asking for rest and that's what I'll give it. I figure it has to know what it's talking about - so if rest is what it's requesting, than I obviously need it. Hopefully I'll get that mojo back soon before I clear the pantry and find all 15 of those pounds.

Fast Food

I had my first taste of fast food in over 6 weeks.

I didn't plan on it .... we went out for a ride up to Wisconsin to buy Powerball tickets (yeah, so we have a better chance at being struck by lightning, but hey, it's $365 million).

So, we were in a hurry to get back home so hubby could go to work, and it was lunchtime, so we went through the drive-thru at Burger King to grab some lunch.

I ended up with the chicken fries meal and a medium order of french fries. It was good ..... I enjoyed myself, but I think I better watch myself closely the rest of the week.

I guess I shouldn't be too upset with myself, afterall, this was only the first time and it's been over a month and a half.

Weigh-In .... Week 6

Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

That's how much I lost this week.

Current Weight: 220

Ego Boost

My boss came into the office today, and told me how proud she is of me. Says she has been bragging about me to her husband, her friends, and her family about how well I've been doing and how I've managed to lose 15 pounds in 5 weeks with no help from any weight loss pills, programs, or crash diets. Every pound I've dropped has all been because of changes I've made for myself. Making changes in what eat, how much I eat, and adding exercise to my routine. I used those weight loss (appetite suppressant) patches for a few weeks, and ended up stopping with a little over a week's worth left only because they were making me itchy and I was tired of having the adhesive left on my skin. And honestly .... I don't think they helped me drop the weight I did lose. Sure, maybe they did help me over the hump by curbing my appetite somewhat. But I honestly don't feel I have those patches to thank for my weight loss. It's all me, baby.

Good lord, get me the Tylenol!

Someone PLEASE! Help me! OMG, My legs hurt sooooooooooo badly.

Mr. Little totally kicked my ass for those few minutes I did the squats and lunges.

I can barely make it up and down the stairs. It hurts to walk, it hurts to sit, it hurts to stand up. It just flat out HURTS.

No exercising for me tonight .... I physically can't.

Tony Little kicked my ass!

I bought a butt & thigh DVD by Tony Little. So I did a bit tonight, after my 2 mile WATP. It was squats, lunges .... you know, that sort of thing.

Yeah. I did 60 seconds of one type of squat, about 40 of another and made it to a whole whopping 20 seconds of lunges on each leg. Those bad boys just about killed me!!!

Take it easy on me, Tony!

During Photos - 5 Weeks In

Well, here they are. My 5 week check-in photos. Can you see a difference?

Weigh-In .... Week 5

Unbelievable. I honestly wasn't expecting to reach my mini goal of losing 15 pounds by our date night tomorrow.

BUT I DID!!

I lost another 5 lbs this week!

New weight: 220

I'm THRILLED!

*New Update: AND - I tried on those 16's ..... well, I managed to get them buttoned AND zipped (by laying down). They are obviously too tight and uncomfortable - but I GOT THEM ON!!!

Sick Day

I woke up this morning feeling pretty down right crappy. For a good hour I contemplated sticking my head in the toilet, but I hate puking so much that I wait til I can't wait no more (LOL) and then let it rip. So, I held back even though it felt as if I were going to toss my cookies at any given moment.

So, I called into work. I just couldn't face an hour car ride there, when I didn't know how much longer it would be before I was kneeling by the toilet. Plus Fridays are my short day - I get off at 1pm anyway - so I only missed out on 4.5 hours.

I ended up crawling back into bed and sleeping a couple more hours, and woke up feeling much better. Even had some lunch, and have kept it down and my stomach isn't churning. Hope whatever it was is gone - hubby and I have our date night tomorrow!

Getting Purrrrrty

Hubby and I have a date night this Saturday. I've been looking forward to this night for TEN months. Early last year we bought tickets to see Jeff Foxworthy. The show is Saturday night at 8, so the hubs and I will be going out to dinner beforehand and then topping the night off by pissing our pants, roaring with laughter.

So, I've had this night in the back of my mind all the time I've been losing weight. And I've made myself a mini goal of losing 15 lbs by the time our date night rolled around. As of my last weigh-in, I had dropped 10 lbs, leaving me praying for a big loss this week. We'll see on Friday what the scale has to say.

At any rate, I've also gone down a pants size. I, myself, can see a difference and to me that is a huge accomplishment in itself. We are all our own worst critic. I know I'm harder on myself than I should be, but I've come a long way since becoming a mother. It's amazing what motherhood will do to a woman. While I still don't have the incredible self-esteem that some may have - I have much more than my high school days.

Seeing this difference in my body - in what losing just 10 lbs has done for me - I have noticed a slight increase in my self-esteem again. I'm now thinking of ways to make me feel even better about myself, and get myself looking even better with my (slowly) transforming body.

Yesterday, I stole the idea from HippyChic, and had my eyebrows waxed. Today, I used my Walmart giftcards on ME for once (I have a bad habit of using giftcards I was given as a gift, for things for the house, the kids, etc) and left the store with $35 worth of makeup, face wash (to try and get rid of the "my-body-thinks-it's-13-and-going-through-puberty-acne") and hair gel (idea is to possibly scrunch my hair to give it a little wave).

I tried out the makeup at work and the woman from the salon next door came in; she looked at me and said "Wow, your eyes look really pretty today!" .... it was really nice to hear that. I could probably count on one hand how many times a year I wear makeup, and when I do, it's always very toned down/neutral. But it was nice to have someone notice AND comment.

I just can't wait to get down to my goal weight! When I do - I think I'll treat myself to some fancy makeup -- perhaps go to a fancy department store in the mall and have them do one of their makeovers.

18!

I did it!!

I went down a jean size!

I just put on my 18's!!

I just knew I had to be smaller around the waist - so screw what the scale said this week! I might not have lost another pound - but I still have dropped 10 pounds over the course of the last 4 weeks and a pants size!

Now that is something!

Weigh-in .... Week 4

Nothing.

I didn't lose a single pound.

Extremely disappointing, especially as I weighed in Wednesday night and swear I saw a 3 lb loss.

I know weight can fluctuate quite a bit from this or that or the other thing - and honestly, I was surprised to see a 3 lb loss on Wednesday. So, who knows .....

All I know is that I had my period this week and didn't have the mojo for much of anything so I didn't get my workouts in like I planned and I spent a good portion of the week feeling like a bloated whale anyway.

Maybe I'll go try to cheer myself up (or depress myself even more) by trying to find a pair of size 18 jeans in my closet to squeeze into.

Not a good week in terms of exercise

This week I didn't reach my goal of wanting to work out 5 days. I only managed a couple times, but at least it was something. I just didn't have much mojo in terms of wanting to use all those muscles after a long day at work.

I can't quite figure out why all of a sudden my body (mainly my legs) ache like crazy. The monthly punctuation is just about gone so I don't think it's that. I don't feel sick, so I don't think I'm coming down with something. But why would my muscles decide to ache now when I started the exercising a couple weeks ago?

At any rate, hopefully I can get back into the swing things this next week. Tomorrow is weigh-in day, so we'll see how week #4 was.

Goodbye Boobs

Today my coworker and my boss commented that I'm not "filling out" my shirt like I used to. That it's too big for me now ..... and that my boobs are apparently getting smaller as well.

Okay, I knew it was going to happen - but I didn't notice it. I've noticed that my stomach appears smaller - but sadly, I wasn't noticing too much of a difference in my jeans (a slight bit, so last week I thought I'd try on a smaller pair in my closet - and grabbed a pair of 16's - what a joke. I couldn't get them remotely close to button. So I'm still wearing my 20's and will have to see if there are any 18's in there to test out - but I'm not feeling very positive about all that).

I feel different, and people are noticing a difference - so why am I still wearing the same sizes?